I need help

“Why aren’t you married yet?” Of course they deliver that line with a worried expression.

I could still tolerate the “When” question. (e.g. When are you getting married?). Although I still cringe, it’s still answerable with… “In fifty years when I’m old and wrinkly”, I say that with a laugh.

And then you could see that disgusted look on their faces, not only because of your sarcasm but they didn’t get the satisfaction of embarassing you. That’s when I’d laugh some more.

“So WHY aren’t you married yet?”

Most of the time that question leaves me dumbfounded for like 3 seconds. Not that I don’t know how to react but merely because of shock, I didn’t expect it’s something you’d normally ask a 26-year old single girl. And then they’ll actually wait for you to say something sensible and explain why you remain the pitiful and miserable person you are. 

1…2…3… think fast! “I’m still enjoying my single life!” I snap with a sweet smile. In my mind I’m screaming “HOW DARE YOU?!”

Sometimes I’m thinking of wearing a clown costume to family reunions just to avoid the topic. Hey, since I’m always the topic of conversation, why not talk about my fabulous rubber nose for a change?

I don’t know if they realize that I’m only 26 years old. Isn’t that just the age when you are at the prime of your singlehood? You have a rewarding job, you get to decide on your own, you get to travel, you get to meet lots of different people, you get to flirt (unless you’re attached), you have no curfew, and you have a disposable income. (Think about all the shoes you can buy! )

Maybe for some, marriage is a prerequisite to having a fulfilled life. I think no matter how young you are, you will want, and sometimes get that sense of fulfillment. Of course, you’ll always wish there’s something more. No matter how cliché it sounds, I’m still trying to find mine, and marriage isn’t the only answer to that. Yes, I still want to get married and have family someday, and I might have met the right person. But for now, I’m still not ready yet to settle down…maybe in a year or two, (or three). Right now I’m still enjoying my singlehood. So don’t make me wear a clown costume.

I opened my email… its receiving 26 messages, an addition to that 198 unread messages I have yet to “screen and schedule for interview”.

I don’t really know what happened to me. How come I feel like I’m busy the whole day yet I havent really done anything. I’m not a procastinator. I think.  

OK so maybe I need focus. This is how my day usually goes:

I go to work, sit on my desk, turn on my computer, check my email, check my friendster..no new friends, hmm.. how predictable, I check my work email and panic coz I havent started anything yet… oops ok its coffee break 10 am, time for a cup of java. I needed that to yet again start my day.

Get a text msg from my bf… “Hi Andy, I’l pick u up 4 lunch”

Alright! so I just have to wait a few more minutes better check my blog. Oh wait of course I have to create that new Job Descriptions for the Production Engineer. Ok so I do that..halfway through, the phone rings and my boss from Marketing asks for the Sales Presentation. I save my unfinished J.D. and proceeded on working on that powerpoint presentation they needed for the Singapore trip. That reminds me I have to make a call  to my Singapore client and ask about the shipment. So I do that. Ok where are we… Oops its almost 12 noon… another txt from my bf “Andy c u in a bit :-)”

I save all my unfinished work and log off my y! messenger. Ouch my back hurts I need a massage. Maybe after lunch I’m going to that new spa and…ew look at my nails, its chipping off! I badly need a manicure. I go to CANS and have them done.

At around 4 pm I go back to work and finish whatever thats left. Ooh wait my bestfriend’s online. Gotta know the dish what’s up with her new boy… I’m glad that her previous relationship’s over- that guy’s toxic.  So we chat and schedule a girls night out over the weekend.

 When I get home, I’m totally worn-out and dread about going to work tomorrow.

“It’s an online journal” I said rolling my eyes.

“Huh?”

“Lets just say its when write your thoughts or anything and its posted on the internet.”

“OK, I know what a journal is, but I don’t get why would you publicize it on the internet and let weirdos read your thoughts?”

“Well… because I am one of those you call ‘weirdos’ who read other people’s journal so that I feel better about myself coz I laugh in finding out there are some people who are more twisted and more unstable than me, Oh… and I’m creating one too so that they’d feel much better about themselves”

I actually didn’t say that.

“Who says I’m making one?” I snapped instead.

And thats when I decided to have one.